Hey, how come I didn't get a manual?

Colic- WOW!
Teething- a little rough!
Potty training- loved it, went very well!
First day of preschool- heartbreaking for me!
Learning to ride a bike- scary, but entertaining!
Learning to fly- not a good idea (thanks Superman)!
Facts of life talk- he already knew it ALL!

I have survived almost 14 years of parenting and am well versed in all of the above. I just can't understand why I can't seem to figure out these teenagers, and all their brainless antics. My son, a bright, good boy, has mush for brains! He has decided that burning incense is cool (it hurts my nose). We have had the "don't play with matches" talk many times. He has made it 14 yrs without incident and all of the sudden- burn marks on his sheets! How could they have gotten there? HHMMMMMM, let me see.
This weekend he decided to scare his brother and friend by loosening the window screen and then leaning on it. Of course that lead to falling out the window. In the process he ripped his new pants and broke the screen. What is possibly going through his mind? Nothing, I am assuming.
This last month has been filled with trying times for he an I. Between girls showing up at the door, to invitations to unsupervised (overnight) parties, I don't know if I will survive. I can't believe a parent would think it was appropriate to rent a room ($150.00 a night room) for a boys 14th birthday party and then go home (they live a block away). Forget teenage mush brains, these are adults!!
I called the hospital and told them they had forgotten to send my instruction manual on operating a teenager. THEY DON'T HAVE ONE!! I can't believe any sane person would sign up for such a course without instructions. Well, I guess live and learn definitely applies here, I'm just not sure I will live through it.