Weekend hodge-podge

Fri- I went out for a few (well, more than a few) drinks with a friend from work. We danced and had fun. He is a very nice guy but I have decided we can’t hang out anymore (unless we are in a group). I don’t know what it is about him, but I am attracted to him. The attraction is purely physical and very intense. He is always the perfect gentleman and I am afraid I may loose control and…well, it wouldn’t be a good idea!

Sat- My hair, where are you? M called me 10 minutes before I was going to leave the house to say my hair didn’t arrive. Geez, just like my hair to make a bad first impression! She called back an hour later to tell me it was held up in customs. WTF! What kind of illegal hair am I getting?! I was disappointed. I had hoped to have the weekend to adjust to my new locks. We made an appointment for Wednesday. I guess that will have to do. I am going to cross my fingers and hope the hair makes it here without breaking any more laws. I would hate to have to explain to my parents that my hair was in jail but I didn’t do anything wrong.

Sun- We rode out bikes to the Farmers Market and then over to Sea Fresh to sit on the patio, eat sushi, and listen to Teresa Russell play. We rode home and I did some laundry and started our Sunday dinner. We had filet mignon in a Jack Daniels sauce, garlic mashed potatoes, homemade rolls and salad. It was delicious, but what a waste of my time and money. The boys were so un-impressed. To them it was just meat and potatoes. The only thing they were excited about was the rolls. At least I know what to make the next time I have company over. Here company company, here company!
It was all in al,l a very laid back weekend. I would like more of these!

So they've lied to me again!

Someone once told me that wearing heels made me look taller (duh) and thinner. So…the other day I found these great, knee high boots, with monster heels. I wore them today with a black skirt, pink tank and black suit jacket. I thought that between the black clothes and the heels I should look like a pencil. WRONG!! As I was leaving the house this morning Nick commented on how tall I looked. I turned around, struck my best supermodel pose and asked, “Do these boots make me look thinner?”
He looked me up and down and said, “No, it just makes your fat look taller.”
Who needs enemies when you have very honest children!

Hair today, more hair tomorrow

I did it! I ordered my hair (that sounds creepy). Now I am having anxiety about the whole thing. What if it gets all knotted and nasty looking? What if the hair is beautiful but makes me look like Miss. Piggy?
I need to loose 10 lbs, quick! Any suggestions, besides stop eating so much?

Step Away From the Dork

I have done the embarrassing again!
Short version:

Somtimes, you don't feel everthing you should. This includes tucking your suit jacket into your tights.
Because I have tattoos, I wear thick tights when I have an important meeting. These tights are wicked! They are like a really thick condom; You feel the major stuff, but not the important stuff.
Enough said. They laughed at me!

Chili, I love you!!! I won second place and I am tired. 

What caused this? He couldn't make his bed because he thought there may have been an earthquake? Okay, I wasn't born yesterday. 

Go home!

It is raining hard, AGAIN!
I can’t stand the “overly cautious” drivers. Yes people, it is raining, really hard! Yes, we should slow down, but give me a friggin’ break. Doing 20 in a 50 is stupid! People are flying by (40 mph) the lady, showering her with water and causing her to step on her breaks and piss everyone off. To top it all off, she is driving without her lights on. Come on, if you are going to drive slower than my grandma, at least turn your lights on. Actually, pull over or go home

stupid quote of the day

I was walking through the factory today and an add was playing on the radio. It was a dealership pushing there “sale” on Hummers (as if a sale makes that much difference). The add ended with “Everyone wants to drive a Hummer”. I said (out loud of course), “not me”. A couple of the guys looked at me funny so I said, “How about you guys, would you like a Hummer?” I knew immediately what I had just done so I kept walking. I wanted to run! I could hear them still laughing as I entered my office. BONE HEAD!!

Feeling...kinda human

I have been a mess. I just feel like a pile of crap (I look like one too)! I am emotionally and physically sick. I think the flu was just enough to push me over the edge emotionally. I am not sure where my marriage is going, I am supporting and raising two boys on my own, I am trying to hold down two jobs and I am just freakin' tired!! Whine, Whine, Whine. It doesn't make anything better, just make me feel better.
There, I am all better.
Yeah, just like that.
When I get home I will find an attractive husband, a pile of money and two clean, smiling boys holding my slippers!

I'm sick...

in the head and body! I can't think, speak or... gotta run...got the runs...

May I have a wig please?!

Quick background: My husband is Canadian. We met 7 years ago when I was working at a snowboard factory in Washington State (he was the head sales rep in Canada). We got married 4 yrs ago and moved to California. 16 months ago he had a Heart Attack, lost his job, we lost our house and his visa expired. He went back to Canada (for medical/insurance reasons). I am not sure where our relationship will end up but we are trying to make it work. Regardless, he will always be one of my best friends.

I emailed him telling him I was thinking about getting hair extensions. I asked him if it would be all right with him (he prefers me with short hair). He was a little confused about what extensions are. This is part of his response and my reply. I just think it is so silly.

Him:
As for your hair, do as you wish. Its entirely up to you but thank you for asking. I don't really know what extensions are but isn't it kinda like a wig??? Maybe you should take ***** with you for another opinion!? Please send me the before and after pics though!!

Me:
My darling,
Yes, I am thinking about getting a wig. It would fill that pet, husband void. I could wear it during the day and at night I could remove it, clean it, pet it and sleep with it. All problems solved. I would name it something like "Precious" or "Bobo". Yeah, the wig is a great idea, it would always do what I ask and never talk back! Hmmm, maybe I should get several different colors.
Hehehe, I've had too much wine!
I will still love you; a wig has no sense of humor,
ME

I'm no Pamela

Nick is in love! He is in love with Pamela Anderson. He has her picture on his computer desktop, his folder for math class, and his P.E. agenda. He had to do a collage for art class and the theme was “something that you enjoy”. It was Pamela (he enjoys her in his dreams, ewww, that might explain the crusty bathroom towel). After he got off the computer last night I knew she was on his mind. He sat in the chair across from me and kept glancing at my chest.
He finally said, “You breast fed me, didn’t you?”
M-“Yes” I said.
N-“For how long?” he asked.
M-“For about 9 months” I replied
N-“That’s kind of gross”
M-“No, it is a very special thing. It is the best thing for a baby and it creates a special bond.”
N- Just sat there looking puzzled and a little disgusted.
N- “No wonder I don’t like milk!” he said as he jumped up a sprinted down the hall
M- Hollering after him “You’d like milk if I was Pamela!”

Now, I know that was not the most mature response but it sure made him smile.

The lunch lady drives a Hummer?

When I took Devon to school this morning we followed a Hummer into the parking lot. He thought it was “soooo cooool”. We parked and so did the Hummer. As we were getting out of the car, Devon exclaimed, “Oh, its Lila”.
“Who’s Lila” I ask.
“The lunch lady” He says.
“The lunch lady!” I repeat like an idiot
“Yep” he says.
“The lunch lady drives a Hummer?!”
ONLY IN CALIFORNIA!!!!

My funny, funny Valentine

He knows me. He understands me. He makes me laugh. He laughs at me. He laughs with me. He cries with me. He gets mad at me, but never too mad. He appreciates my sense of humor. He is my companion, but sooo far away. He is my sounding board. He is always there for me. He is my best friend. He is my husband!!

I'm exhausted

Last night I had a dream that while I was in the kitchen making bread, there were people in my living room torturing Vietnam Veterans and Demi Moore. I was horrified but the soldiers instructed me to “not look and stay out of it”. The only thing I could do was sneak down the hall and turn on the ceiling fan so they would be more comfortable. Some of the men being tortured were old veterans and others were young, but in black and white (like old war footage). They were being hooked up to wires and shocked. Demi was lying on the couch; it was my ex-mother in laws old couch even though it was in my living room. I was so upset but I knew that in the end Demi would save them all and end up a Navy Seal. It was very troubling but I just continued to make bread.
What the hell was all this about? I have an idea but my head hurts too much to think about it.

My W face

Miserable Failure Monkey Face

What's" Your George W. Bush Monkey Face?

You might be Blonde if...

This past month has been hard on me emotionally. I have been extremely impatient, easily flustered, and have been crying over little things. At one point I thought I might have a nervous breakdown.
Usually I can handle my two kids and two jobs with a few minor meltdowns, nothing I can’t work through. This is my second month on high dose birth control pills (for cysts, no action taking place at my house). I thought this might be the problem but I only have to take them for one more month. As I was lying in bed last night thinking over the last month I realized I hadn’t taken my pill. I got up, and out of curiosity I got the pamphlet out that came with the pills. There in bold letters it says, “Take the white pills first followed by the blue pills.".
WTF!!! I HAVE BEEN TAKING THEM BACKWARDS!!
I am driving down a one-way street the wrong way; I am a train wreck waiting to happen! I have decided to derail myself and start again next month.
I am an idiot!

Marty Who?

Our Mardi gras celebration was short-lived due to homework. That’s all right, as I told the boys: “Every Tuesday is Fat Tuesday for mom.”
It was fun even though the jambalaya was a little too spicy and the beer- boiled okra was…okra! They thoroughly enjoyed the Cream Soda.
It was the thought that counts, right?!

Mardi Gras with the McCabe boys! 

That crazy feeling again!

I am feeling that old familiar urge, that insatiable craving, and it is becoming an obsession- again. Stop me, please, someone! I have come so far and my life has gone in an entirely different direction. I have been free of this addiction for 6 years now. I really don’t want to go back, but it is pulling me.
I find myself looking lovingly at big hairy bikers and strange punks on the street. I have started to doodle designs on my napkins at lunch. I have even been thinking about where I would do the deed, where I would put my next tattoo.
I won’t, I can’t, I shouldn’t… I really wanna!

I want my bed!!!!

I need an extra day to recover from the weekend!
Saturday night some friends and I rented a limo and went to The Cheesecake Factory in Westlake Village. It was an early Valentines Day present for the three couples I went with and my gift to myself (yes, I love myself…often). The ladies all agreed to wear red and we played a drinking game on the way to the restaurant. If you answered the trivia question correctly, you got love beads, if you didn’t answer correctly you took a drink. I missed several on purposeJ.
They all gave me a hard time when I ordered a beer at dinner. They told me that since I was all dressed up I should drink a classier drink. I decided to have my first martini, just to make them all happy. I had a very sweet, yummy, strawberry martini. I loved it so much I had 4 more! I followed that with a couple beers in the limo on the way home.
I was so sick on Sunday and I was co-hostess of a Super bowl party. I drank water and lemonade and ate a hot dog, but that was it. Everyone had a rip-roaring good time and I tried my best to be a good hostess. My friends must hate me because they kept asking me to make them Margaritas! It was all I could do to keep from throwing up in the blender!
Some day I will learn my lesson. Moderation is NOT my middle name.

My hero

Devon saved my life last night.
I was washing walls and when I stood up to do the top half of the wall, yikes, a spider! I am soooo scared of spiders. I hollered for someone to “come quick and kill this spider!” Devon came running! He hates killing anything so he wanted to rescue it. I didn’t care as long as it was far away from me.
He used the broom to get the spider and carefully carried him out the front door. He took him out to the grass and I could hear him say, “Run away little guy, and don’t come back. Make sure you go to someone else’s house. If you come back in ours, that big lady is going to squish you!” It was so cute. I told him he was my hero and he just said “MOOoooom! He is just a friendly little spider.”
Friendly, my ass! He was just waiting until I was asleep, he was going to eat me alive!!!!!!!

How true

This morning- Devon eyeing my Slim Fast:

D- Does that taste good?
M- Yes, its pretty good.
D- It's a good thing because I don't think they work very well!
M- Thanks a lot!

When mom is a bitch, we spin our chicken

Last night I was a bitch. I was not just a little crabby, I was intolerable. I was tired, sore, and fed up with doing everything myself. I know today that it is my own fault. I am the parent and if I need help, I need to ask. They would never think to clean their room on their own (unless of course they have allowance on their mind). I bitched and moaned and made everyone really sorry to be in my presence. I made Devon cry over his homework, I made Nick run for the cover of his bedroom, even the fish seemed to be hiding behind rocks. One of my best friends from High School called and after about 10 minutes into our conversation he asked if it was “my time”. I almost hung up on him!
Note to male friend: Never ask a girl that, EVER!
I felt bad and I decided to try and be agreeable. I called for a “Pinner Dinner” and that seemed to help smooth things over a little. At least they weren’t curled up in the corner anymore.

Years ago, I bought two wooden Lazy Susans to use for a brunch I was having. My boys decided one night to eat dinner on the “spinners”- thus, “Pinner Dinner” was born (Devon couldn’t say spinner). We would spin them around and what ever ended up in front of you, you took a bite of. Sometimes I would announce “Pinner Dinner” if I made something I knew they wouldn’t be thrilled with. It made a huge difference and we got through dinner with little or no grumbling. We have continued this and still call it “Pinner Dinner”. Now that the boys are older, they can eat on the floor with the spinners. I love “Pinner Dinners”.

Isn't it a swell day, Wally?

Today I feel like Beaver Cleaver! I am not sure why or how, I just do!
The doctor gave me a prescription for muscle relaxers and sent me home to lie down. I refuse to take muscle relaxers because they make me feel like a pile of useless mush. About midnight I woke up in horrible pain. I got up and rummaged through my purse, found the prescription, and headed to the all night pharmacy. I got the pills and took one while I was sitting in the car.
Bad idea. I feel like my hair has teeth. I actually tried to put mascara on my lips this morning! While I was making copies this morning I actually fell over. I was just standing there waiting for page 10 and…plop, right on the file cabinet. It hurt my back and I think I may have injured my prostate!
This is exactly why I don’t take medication like this. It is not….OH WALLY, YAHOO, WALLY…I can’t…WAIT WALLY…what do you mean you’re not Wally?

Good news, Bad news

Work has been really kicking my butt this week. My co-worker is still out recovering from knee surgery and I am being worked to death.

Good News:
I am very happy to say that I am not being underpaid. After last week my boss and his wife called a meeting and told me that they really appreciated all the work I do. (They appreciate me more now that J (boss’s wife) is trying to help out) They gave me a raise! A $5.00 AN HOUR RAISE!! This really helps since Bethann (my car) is no longer with me and I had to get a new one with higher payments.
I got Nick’s report card and he made the honor role, again! Yeah Nick!!
Things were looking rosey…

Bad News:
I got home yesterday to find a notice in the mail saying my rent is going up. If it weren’t for the fact that it costs so much to move, I would be out of there. Really, who in their right mind would pay $1500.00 a month for a 2-bedroom town home? Me, that’s who!
This morning I started out early to work. It is the first day of the month and that means closing last month and plenty of other work to be done. I made it almost to the freeway before being rear-ended by a young girl who was preoccupied with lighting her cigarette.
I have never been in an accident and I just got a new car! I feel awful! My neck is getting stiff, I feel dizzy and slightly like I might vomit. I have a 3:15 appt with the doctor, just for insurance purposes.” Better safe than sorry”, they said.

Oh well, things could be worse…PLEASE GOD, NOOO!!!!