Gotta Love My sister

My sister is a bit of a nut (I know, the pot calling the kettle black). I don’t mean the certifiable kind of nuts; I just mean crazy, odd, funny. She and her husband just moved to Texas and she sent me an email with pics of her new house. She sent a second email with this picture and NO explanation. Huh? So I sent a response that went something like this:

B, thanks for the picture of you riding your new bike. See I told you, you would remember how. I am glad that you treated yourself to lunch at the Olive Garden, you deserve it after all that unpacking! BTW, you look fabulous since you lost sooo much weight.
Luv, A

I giggled and giggled, (see, I do entertain myself) and waited for her witty reply. Nothing…nope…is this thing working? After about 24 hrs I emailed her again and asked if she was offended. Her reply:

No way! I am just so tired I couldn’t think of a good response. I have to give you this one though, you rule, that was way too funny!
Luv, B

Turns out her husband was taking a picture of the Olive Garden as a joke, and accidently got the lady riding her son's bike.

Embrace this!!

I should learn to embrace my ADD, that’s what they tell me:
Pro-I am great at multi-tasking
Con-Sometimes I have so many things going at once that I short circuit.
Pro- I am extremely passionate about many things
Con-I am easily sidetracked and never follow through.
Pro-I can’t even stay on track long enough to be properly depressed.
Con- Remembering I am depressed after not feeling depressed makes me seem like some hormonal psycho.
Pro- I can entertain an entire cocktail party by myself
Con-I change subjects so often people think I am really drunk
Pro- I can’t properly have any kind of disorder
Con- Well, I guess there is no down side to this one
Pro- I can’t remember to stay mad
Con- It’s confusing for the kids to know they are in trouble, but not what for.

Like they don’t know, they just want to know if “crazy mom” knows. Nick for instance has a mind like a steal trap. He remembers everything I say and because I don’t always remember, he usually wins. It has occurred to me on several occasions that he might be using this to his advantage. Hey, maybe I didn’t actually say those things at all! I have a hard time believing I would say he could go to the Homecoming dance with a senior. Although, I did tell a neighbor that I took a dump at a party once that refused to go down the toilet, and I ended up tossing it out the window using the soap dish. OMG, I was horrified when I found out it went “splat” on a guest’s car! Sometimes things just come out of my mouth before my brain O.K.’s the content. I have likened my mind to a wind tunnel vacuum. You know, all this crap spinning and whirling around, and I just grab what ever I can and…well, say it. My son said the other day, “Why don’t you go do things like you used to?”. I am just fine to stay home and clean or go for a walk by myself. I totally entertain myself. I mean, who could be bored with this many things going round and round and round…heh, have I ever mentioned how sick carnival rides make me? Once my best friend and I took our kids…..

Bonnie meets Clyde

Don't worry, she put him in his place!

Don't tell him the sheets are pink!

Last Thursday was my court day. It sucked and I vowed to never show my face anywhere near that courthouse again (except for jury duty). I took my lumps, didn’t cry and drove out of there feeling like every law enforcement officer in the county would be on the look out for me. As soon as I got to work a phone call came for me. It was the doctor’s office saying they would like to move Devon’s surgery to Monday! What! As if I wasn’t under enough stress already.
Anyway we spent the weekend getting things in order: Jello, popsicles, room clean, sheets washed (I have this thing about never coming home to a mess or unclean sheets). Things went well, I was a nervous wreck but he just slept like a baby most of the day. When he woke up he was miserable. He is now doing homework and will be ready for school in a few days. He is such a good boy!

No, I don't make my boys sleep in pink sheets! He spent several days and nights in my bed (I loved it).

Go ahead...

Bust my chops!! Just don't touch the sunburn!

Horrible pick up line

Guys, if you ever plan on using a pick up line, don't use this one:

"I'm so sorry for staring at you. You look like someone I know, she's a school teacher."

He went on to drunkenly explain that she was a very important person in his life and that seeing me brought back very, VERY good memories. Geez, why didn't he just say I looked like a librarian!

Note to self: Destroy that shirt, burn those jeans!

A flip. A flop. A pinch. A honk.

As I waited at a red light yesterday, I noticed a man waiting to cross the street. He was about 40ish and talking on his cell phone (well, I really don’t know if it was his phone, it could have belonged to a friend I suppose). He stood there talking and laughing and enjoying the sunshine (geez, there I go again…assuming). He began to do what most other men do when they are enjoying themselves- touch his private parts (come on guys, they are called private for a reason. I don’t want to watch you touch them, unless of course, I’ve asked to watch you touch them). First there was the trusty old flip and adjust maneuver. That was followed by a rub, a couple of pinches, some more rubs, (maybe he pinched to hard) and a few good honks. I sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe it when he started round 2. He continued talking and laughing (on some ones phone) and I couldn’t help thinking some one on the other end was talking dirty to him. He gave himself a couple of good honks, flopped his package from one side to the other, did a quick rub, rub and then leaned up against the telephone pole like…nothing!! I just started laughing. I couldn’t help it. I looked over and the lady in the car next to me was laughing too. The light turned green (really, it wasn’t the longest light in the world, it’s just this post) and as I drove by I gave him a big thumbs up! He looked totally confused. How can you not know you are playing with yourself on the street corner?

I just don't know what to say

My co-worker and I answer the phones while the receptionist is at lunch. Yesterday, during her lunch, our sales rep from Texas called. I put her on hold and went about answering the other lines. When I answered line 1…”Hello, thank you for calling the place where I work”, there she was again. I jokingly said, “J, you are supposed to be waiting on line 3!” There was a gasp, she muttered an “Oh”, and hung up! I answered another line and just out of curiosity I picked up line 3 and said “Hello?” There she was!! She said, “Sorry about that, am I back on the right line?” I laughed, she didn’t. She was serious! WTF!!!!

ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE

A FACE LIKE THIS.

So much pain

I feel sick, sad and helpless.
The news is full of horrible stories.
I can't shake the feeling of guilt and despair.
I am shocked that these people didn't evacuate,
Amazed that help has taken so long to arrive.
I cry for these people.
I pray for these people.
I will donate what I can.
It doesn't feel like enough.

Im easily amused

Last night on our way home from soccer practice we stopped at a red light (good for me, right.) This horrible noise pulled up next to us and when I looked over it had the Toppers Pizza delivery sign on top of it. Not only was this car noisy, it was completely filthy. I made a comment to the boys about not wanting to eat pizza out of “that cruddy car”. At the same time they both started singing about “who wants to eat pizza out of a cruddy car?” with a country twang. It was really cute. They made up a couple of silly verses and then the song somehow turned into a twisted version of “Pimpin all over the World”. They were singing, “we’re poopin all over the car” and “strawberry jam booty causin a crash”. They sang a few more lines making them up as the song progressed. All of the sudden Devon shouted out something about a cruddy car and then trying not to laugh, he hollered, “I’m really digging your hips”. It got really quiet for about 5 seconds (you know, that awkward 11yr old boy, did he mean my hips, quiet) and J said “I think that was a little toooo weird Dev”. We rode in awkward silence for about, oh…10 seconds and they started singing again. I giggled all the way home and noticed they were very careful to not mention any body parts for the rest of the ride home.

Before our first game

I couldn't resist taking this picture. This was Saturday morning before their first soccer game. I kept trying to get them excited and this was the response I got! Yep, none!