An hour and a half with ADD me

For my birthday the crew at work gave me a facial. This is not just any facial, but a facial with the infamous "Rita". They have been telling me about her for at least 6 months.
Now, although I am a "girlie girl" I don't really go for "foo foo". I don't have time for lying around being rubbed with lotions. I would much rather spend my free time at the beach with the kids or curled up with a good book and a cold beer.
Rita is a delight. She informs me that I am in for "a treat". It is an hour and a half long treat!! What the heck!! I can't lay still for an hour and a half, unless I am asleep.
She began by rubbing my hands with a thick lotion and wrapping them in Saran wrap. She then placed them in warmers. I LIKED THIS!! The rest of my adventure went something like this:

Wow, this feels good, smells good too. Rita has soft hands and a light touch. I hope she is careful around my, ohhhh she is. I don't want more crows feet. I wonder if facials make more wrinkles, all this rubbing. Rita has wrinkles, I wonder how old she is. If she takes such good care of her skin...wrinkles, maybe I should tell her to stop. That is cool, must be cucumbers on my eyes. Are they fresh? Hey, where is she going, she is leaving me in here. Nice music, sounds like nature. The back of my head hurts, probably from laying in one position for too long. This gum tastes like stinky shoes, like poop. Jim has his rectal exam tomorrow, I bet the doctor has poop breath, hahaha. Oops, I shouldn't laugh, Rita is going to think I am crazy. How long do I have to lay here. I want to peek, what if I move the cucumbers and she is standing there? I will feel dumb. Okay, I am done. Relax, relax, the girls at work say they go to sleep sometimes. How can you sleep with all these crickets chirping. I hope my mom and the boys found Target. I should get up and get my phone, what if they got lost. Oh, Rita is back. That is warm, nice, soft. Okay, I think I can hang in here for a while. Wow, how many fingers does she have. Feels like 20 fingers fluttering across my face. What if she uses a prosthetic hand? That is creepy. She is extracting now, a fancy name for poping pimples. Thankfully I don't have many. She would have loved me a couple of weeks ago. Boy I am never going back to that salon again. The girl sure was nice though. I just realized I have to take my family to IN-N-OUT for dinner and Rita just washed off all my makeup. Oh well, I don't know anyone here. What if my hair is sticking up? We should have eaten before the facial. I need to make time to go up to the college and register for classes. I sure hate homework. I should jog tomorrow morning. I wonder if it will make my face saggy? I hope it doesn't make my boobs sag anymore. I should save up for plastic sugery. Well, I should get a new car first....40 minutes later...

I AM DONE!! Rita has wonderful hands. I just can't stand laying around for 90 minutes. There is plenty of time for that when I am dead!