Look at me now!

Not that I was ever the tall, thin super model type, but geez!! I still have 3 months to go!!

A little of this-n- that

I still don't have a computer. Mine got busted up in the move. I am suffering from severe internet withdrawals. Anyway, I thought I would post a few things that have been going on..

As of last night at about 3:10 am, I am dating Brad Pitt. Ever since the whole break-up thing with Jennifer I have been rather disgusted with him. At first I didn't want anything to do with him but his smooth talking finally wore me down. He even gave me his Bank of America debit card to use whenever I need money. He is very sexy, sweet and extremely generous. The best part is I guess he likes fat, pregnant gals.

I have been watching a lot of "The Baby Story" on TLC. I have learned a few things that will come in handy when the time comes.

1. Have my armpits waxed
2. Wear clear deodorant
3. Sleep with makeup on

I have watched several episodes were the mothers were taken to the hospital in the middle of the night with no makeup on, hairy armpits and big white clumps of deodorant under their arms. Oh yeah, a pedicure wouldn't hurt either. I'm hoping to give birth looking like Ms. America. What? Its possible!!!

I found out I am having another boy! I love boys so that makes me soo happy. I am getting excited about bugs and dirt and all the fun little boy things.

That is about it for now. I'm off to see who wants to hire a pregnant lady!

Well, I made it to the land of...Wind

We found a little house and have settled in fairly nicely. I had my first prenatal appt and I have several tests scheduled for the next couple of weeks. Because I am 36, and considered "high risk" they will test for genetic defects. That really makes me worried. It's hard enough to start over again and then to think I may have a "challenged" baby...geez, makes me sick to my stomach...again.

I had forgotten how windy it is here. I guess they don't call it the "Windsurfing capitol" for nothing. It sure isn't Southern California, they don't even have a Target!! I can't help but think I made a mistake coming back here. I know that I will need the support but...

The boys are adjusting slowly, what a shock this has been for them. Nick is already making the wrong kind of friends and I don't know what to do about it. I'm just the dumb old mom don't you know? Oh, the joys of parenting. And to think I am starting all over again! Somebody- smack me-

Good-bye Cali, Hello Hicksville

Oh, I'm not really happy about leaving my beachside life for small town living. The community we live in is like its own little town so it won't be all that different. It's just that you get used to having all the things that a city has to offer at your finger-tips (well, at least within driving distance). It will be best in the long run, more affordable living, closer to my family. I will never be able to afford a house here, its so friggin' expensive. My oldest son really needs some POSITIVE male influence in his life. He is completely bitter and "done" with his father figures, so my father and brothers are the next best thing. His attitude has become dark and he wants so bad to be excepted that he is making the "wrong" kind of friends. I worry about him. I have also been in touch with a church in the area we are moving to. We will start family counseling once we get settled. Although this is not what I planned for our life, we have to make the best of it and make things right. I have made a lot of decisions regarding the way I was living and have made my peace with my past. We are now looking toward the future and if we can actually make it to Oregon in one piece, we will make the most of it!

After a meeting of the minds

And glowing eyes, it was decided! I need a new hair style to start my new chapter. Stay tuned ...

So, my job...

paid good.
Other than that, was a huge headache.
They paid us to put up with their family disfunction. They fight, they curse, they throw punches, they drink, they expose themselves...what more can you say.
Come on, I grew up in a fairly disfunctional family. My father is an Alcoholic (sober 20 yrs). We were never allowed to hit, expose ourselves or belittle others. I work at the circus only they never let do my "famous" backbend.
Now, I am looking for a new job, which sucks. I am actually so relieved that I don't have to work in a place where you wonder every day who is going to explode. I have actually been told "we are fucking up the company" ("we", being all of us in the office). We listen every day to the family fighting which includes, yelling profanities and physical fighting. I have been pushed up against file cabinets and felt up, shown the grandsons freshly pierced penis and then accussed of making moves on the owners husband (who is 74+ yrs old). The only reason I stayed was...2 boys and a good pay check.
At some point you just stop caring and/or performing. It became so much drama just to go to work that I couldn't stand it. I didn't do the best job I could do, I felt like I gave exactly what they treated me like...shit.
This is the first time I can say I left a job feeling bad.
They sucked the life out of me. They are soooo crazy.

UH HUH, YES I DID!

I am officially the dumbest dork alive. I permed my own hair! I know, I know, I don't know how to perm hair. Every time I look in the mirror I laugh because I don't know why I thought it was a good idea, then I cry. The only good thing is I had jury duty yesterday and I didn't get picked for a trail. I guess no one wants a crack whore on their jury.

My Butterfly

I have always said Nick was my busy bee and Devon was my butterfly in the making. He has such a sweet, soulful spirit just still a little "caterpillary" (I know, that isn't a word) right now. He has been gone for a week to Nature Camp in Santa Barbara. He learned so many things about rocks and plants and animals, just right up his alley! He came home with many bug bites that have been itching him like crazy so I bought him some Calimine lotion. When I got home from work last night he was on the couch, in his underwear (watch out Homer Simpson). The living room smelled like perfume. I asked him what the smell was and he told me that he had put some of "the lotion" on his bug bites. I knew it wasn't the lotion I smelled so I just sat by him and we talked for a few minutes. The smell was very familiar so I went into my bathroom and when I opened the medicine chest...sure enough...the top was off my perfume! He was wearing my Clinique "happy" perfume? So? My caterpillar is happy! I wonder what kind of butterfly he will grow into? Hehehe- Painted Lady perhaps?

Tagged and Twitterpated!!

Place an x by all the things you've done; this is for your entire life:
(x) Smoked a cigarette
(x) Drank so much you threw up
() Crashed a friend's car
() Stolen a car
(x) Been in love
(x) Been dumped
(x) Quit your job
(x) Been in a fist fight
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( x) Been arrested
(x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Seen someone die
(x) Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
( ) Been on the opposite side of the world.
( ) Gone to Washington, DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Felt like dying
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x ) Played cops and robbers(
x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(x) Made prank phone calls- that was way before *69
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Made a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a party
(x) Gone roller-skating
( x) Ice-skating

1. Any nicknames? Amos-seed-us dinga ling-us Rise-a ring-us *you asked*
2. Mother's name? Kris
3. What is your favorite drink? Beer, Diet Dr. Pepper
4. Tattoos? 5
5. Body piercing? Just Ears
6. How much do you love your job? A lot, on payday
7. Birthplace: Casa Grande, Arizona
8. Favorite vacation spot? Anywhere work isn’t
9. Ever been to Africa? No
10. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yes
11. Ever been in a car accident? Yes12.
A, B, C, D, DD cup size? Full C
13. 2 Door or 4 Door? 4 door
14. Salad dressing? Blue Cheese
15. Favorite pie? Pumpkin and Peach
16. Favorite number? 14
17. Favorite movie? I am Sam, Grease, Shrek, anything with Nicholas Cage or John Travolta
18. Favorite holiday? I love any day that gets me a day off of work.
19. Favorite food? Mexican and Italian
20. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
21. Favorite brand of body soap? Dove or Lever
22. Favorite TV show? CSI, American Idol, anything on Court TV or The Learning Channel
23. Favorite brand of toothpaste? Crest
24. Favorite smell? Clean laundry
25. What do you do to relax? Watch TV, walk on the beach, clean my house
26. What do you want to say to all of your friends reading this? What friends? I didn’t know I had any friends!
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully having survived two teenage boys and enjoying myself at the beach.
28. What do you do when you are bored? Laundry.
29. Where is the furthest place this message will go? Texas, if my sister will ever read my blog like she promised.

HAHA

OMG!

The lady I share the office with has been having female problems. She had a doctors appt today and when she came back, she called everyone she knew to tell them the diagnosis. She has cracks is her vagina caused by dryness. She said it so loud that the people in the office across the hall gave us funny looks. I wanted to holler "Hey, its not me! I'm plenty moist"! I just can't believe she shared this news with everyone so LOUDLY.
I suggested she "use that thing" before it totally seized up! She didn't think I was funny.

The joys of a site counter

People that visit my blog are usually searching for:

Why does my breath smell bad

Husbands forced to wear panties

Slimy poop

How to eat pussy

Bonnie meets Clyde

How much did you pay?

I paid $3.23 for Unleaded this morning. How much did you pay?

Starting off on the wrong foot

1. I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...literally! I moved my bed yesterday and when I startled awake, I sat up and jumped out of bed, or should I say, jumped into the wall. I got up and went for a walk only to come home and find out it was only 3:30 a.m! Moving my bed=moving my alarm clock= reseting the time and alarm= me, up at 2:30 am.

2. My CD player jammed in the car and I had to listen to "The Hurdy Gurdy Man" 100 times in a row. Butthole Surfers my ass!

3. Arriving at work 3 minutes late I proceeded to spill coffee down the front of my new pink sweater.

When you start the day like this, it can only get better.

End of a good ride and nice day.

EASTER

We spent Easter at the beach. The church service was at the park by our house and then we wandered out onto the sand to watch Nick surf (thats him starting to stand). It was a beautiful day.
How was yours?

Big Sigh

Nick was invited to the Sadie Hawkins dance by not 1 girl, but 4 girls. All four girls are Juniors and I completely panicked. They decided to go as a group with Nick as the only guy. At first I wanted to forbid him from going but we all no how that goes. Then I asked to meet the girls with the intent on quizzing them intensely. I didn't have to do either. He declined their invite to spend the night with his hairy best friend. Well, he is hairy for a 15 yr old. I am sooo relieved.

Can you believe...

that I am 35 friggin' years old and I didn't know who Aunt Flo was? I'm not joking!
Our receptionist came in yesterday all beat up looking.
I asked if she was O.K. and she said. "I'm just tired, Aunt Flo came last night and I didn't get much sleep".
So I say, "Does everyone have an Aunt Flo, jeez, I know at least 4 people who have an Aunt Flo".

Someone snickered, someone giggled and then they explained...

I get it!! Every girl of child bearing age has an "Aunt Flo". Ewww, that is kinda sick! I thought she was some annoying older lady that liked to talk all night.

Fun with pictures

Have you ever been this tired? This is what happens after a run on the beach!

Have you ever had a houseguest that just made himself at home and wouldn't leave? Yeah, me too! I came home everyday to this sight and yes...he did hog the remote. Thank goodness he finally went home!

I've heard of tennis elbow...but tennis ball?!

Creative excuse

Excuses have evolved from when I was young- a sign of the times I say. Gone are the days of holding your stomach or head and faking illness of some sort.

Nick came into the kitchen this morning holding his cell phone and said:

N: Mom, uh, I just got a text from God. He said I shouldn’t go to school; something bad is going to happen.

M: Test, huh?

N: *shakes head yes*

After I dropped him off at school I sent him a text:

“I’m sorry, I delivered the message to the wrong kid.
You need to go to school!”
- GOD

WHAT IS MORE EMBARRASSING...

than being spotted "burning rubber" in the Vons parking lot...IN A SATURN!??!

Not much

If he lives to be 16...

it will be a miracle.

I took Nick and a friend to Venice Beach this weekend for his birthday. That's what he asked for, I swear. They are far to cool to be seen with me, so we split up and agreed to meet by the skate park in 4 hrs. I agreed to let them go off on their own only after they promised me they would stay out of the smoke shops (yeah, right mom).
It is kinda boring to walk Venice all alone. They do have great chili cheese fries though. I ordered me a small helping of "heart attack on a plate", and went to sit in the grass and watch the roller skaters/dancers.
4 hours later we meet up. The boys were loaded with beaded curtians, Jimi Hendrix and Bob Marley posters and paintings, a surfboard shaped wall clock and some gross propaganda about commercial meat processing plants.
If you've ever driven PCH you know there is no better drive. Its beautiful! The stretch from Santa Monica to Malibu can get pretty hairy sometimes. The lanes are narrow and there are so many friggin' people. Driving down Linclon Blvd I got a few stares, a honk, and the thumbs up sign. By the time I hit PCH I was getting a little suspicious. As people were passing they were either giving me dirtly looks or smiling at me. Everytime I looked in the rear view mirror, two sets of innocent eyes were looking back at me. We stopped at a red light in Malibu and I whipped around in my seat really fast. Nick was holding a bumper sticker in the window. I grabbed it from him (he was shocked the old lady could move so fast).
It was BRIGHT PINK and it said:
EAT PUSSY, NOT MEAT!!

She said...

"It's like feast or fanom"

I said "Huh?"

She said "You know, all or nothing"

I said "Oh...yeah"
*smacks forehead and shakes head*

Silence

You know that feeling? It's too quiet, no fighting, no talking, no laughing...nothing. They have to be up to something!

Yeah, like sleeping in MY bed.

I climbed into bed later and found a pound of sand. Great!

But aren't they cute?

Oh my!

Who does this remind you of? Go ahead, tell me.

Why, why, why...

do I feel the need to get one of these















and one of these!



Yes, I am the proud owner of BOTH!!