Sleepy-eyed Birthday Boy 

I guess I got what I deserved

Well, I think I asked for this spanking. Here it goes:

Three Names You Go By:
1. Amy
2. Mom
3. Hey Lady

Three Screennames You've Had:
1. arising_elvis
2. pinkme
3. lookingrosey

Three Things About Yourself:
1. I am easy to please/ meaning normal easy going
2 I love to clean
3. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up (career wise)

Three Things You Don't Like About Yourself:
1. My weight
2. I am too compulsive
3. I am indecisive

Three Parts of Your Heritage:
1. Swedish
2. English
3. Native-American (Powhatan)

Three Things That Scare You:
1. Spiders
2. Something bad happening to my family
3. The state of the world


Three Parts of Your Everyday Essentials:
1. Caffeine
2. Hugs and Kisses
3. Lip gloss


Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. Khaki pants
2. Baby blue sweater
3. blue and tan socks

Three Favorite Musical Artists:Not really fair
1. Chicago, Wallflowers, Styx, Foreigner
2. Train, Matchboxtwenty, Teresa Russell, Jack Johnson
3. Prince, Michael Jackson (sorry), many more

Three Favorite Songs:~ Again, same caveat
1. Meet Virginia- Train
2. Sexual Healing- Marvin Gaye
3. Heaven- Brian Adams
4. Sixth Ave Heartache- Wallflowers
many more, my friends know that every song is my favorite!


Three Things to Try in the Next 12 Months:
1. Learn to Salsa dance
2. Win my second “Chili cook-off”
3. Help my son live to be 15

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Passion
3. Friendship

Two Truths and a Lie:(not in any order)
1. I am a beer drinker
2. I love tattoos
3. I am a blonde

Three Things About the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You:
1. They smell manly
2. They have strong bodies
3. They are good with tools

Three Things You Just Can't Do:
1. Whistle
2. Rollerblade
3. Stay out of the lovely fountain at the Embassy Suites

Three Favorite Hobbies:
1. Walking on the beach
2. Activities with my kids
3. Cleaning and doing laundry (I should get out more)

Three Things You Want to Do Really Badly Right Now:
1. Have a beer
2. Take a hot bath
3. Snuggle with my cat

Three Careers You're Considering:
1. Forensics
2. Medicine
3. Actress or supermodel

Three Places You Want to Go on Vacation:
1. Jamaica
2. Paris
3. Sweden

Three Kid Names: Courtesy of Nick and Devon
1. Zoe
2. Patrick
3. Lucy

Three Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
1. See my kids become adults (30+)
2. Be a grandma
3. Become famous

Three Ways I'm Stererotypically a Boy:
1. I guzzle beer
2. I love cars
3. I hate gossip and “girly” drama

Three Ways I'm Stereotypically a Girl:
1. I love smelly lotions and candles
2. I'm emotional.
3. I like pink things

Three Celeb Crushes:
1. Ellen Degeneris
2. Lenny Kravitz
3. Ty Pennington

Three People Who Have to Take This Quiz Now (sorry, guys!):
1. Jay
2. Johncompact
3. mojo shivers

All of this fun was brought to you by my friend Nino!

I am such an idiot!!!!!

You know that cute, fuzzy little birthday boy I was gushing about? His f***ing mother forgot his f***ing lunch!! It's his birthday and I was so concerned with his special breakfast and dinner that I completely skipped lunch. Well, my fat ass had lunch, no forgetting my own lunch, no siree!! I had it in my head that we were having his birthday lunch on Saturday. Why would he need a lunch today? I feel so bad I may cry! What an idiot!

Eleven years ago today...

I was standing outside the hospital emergency entrance with a suitcase in one hand and my swollen belly in the other hand as my husband (ex) sped away shouting out his window “Call me when something interesting happens”.
Oh, I don’t want to ruin this special day so I won’t go down that path.

Eleven years ago today I gave birth to the most special, baby boy. He didn’t want to leave his warm place, and when he finally did he refused to breath. He was taken away quickly, leaving me frantic. I did catch a glimpse of his purple little body as they tried to wrap him up. He was only gone for a few minutes but everything seemed to move in slow motion. When they brought him back to me and laid him on my chest I was relieved. He looked so different from his brother, smaller (8lbs, 4 oz), and frail because of his color. He opened his eyes and blinked at me several times (I like to think he was trying to focus on my face), whimpered and went to sleep.
He was a good baby. He didn’t cry a lot and he sucked his two middle fingers, which was sooo sweet. He didn’t talk until he was almost 3 and even then he was very hard to understand. He is one of the sweetest, kindhearted humans I have ever met. He has many struggles but nothing gets him down.
Every day when I drop him off at school he does the same thing: unbuckles his seatbelt, slides forward and gives me a kiss, jumps out of the car, says “I love you” and shuts the door. About 10 ft from the car he turns around and waves, it is always a “this could be my last wave” kinda wave. There is something so deep in his expression, and this wave, I can’t explain it. It melts my heart every morning.
When I pick him up after school, he comes running to give me a hug. He doesn’t care who sees us. He even kisses me on occasion. There is so much inside him, waiting to find a way out.
He is my little, cute, fuzzy caterpillar that will soon be a butterfly!
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!

P.S. At our house, the birthday boy gets to pick the menu for the day. Breakfast was: O.J., soy sausages, toast with strawberry jam and pancakes. B-day lunch is taking place on Saturday. Dinner is Hamburgers (rare request because he doesn’t like meat), French fries, broccoli w/ranch dip and maple bars with candles in them. He is taking a friend to Chuck E Cheese on Saturday and we will have cake at home after the fun.

I am a little freaked out

Last night Nick discovered Yahoo Instant Messenger! He and his friends text back and forth all the time and someone mentioned that he should get online and chat. Whoever you are, I'd like to slap you! I knew it was coming and I suppose I didn't have to say "yes", but I have to pick my battles carefully at this point. He is wearing me out already and he is barely 14! Every person he chatted with last night was a girl (yes, I hovered over his shoulder). They even sent him pictures (these are very mature looking 13-14 yr olds). I am playing detective mom and archiving his messages. I don't want to hear about "his privacy" and all that other shit! I don't trust those GIRLS!!! What should I do? I am going to limit the time he is online but I do work two jobs and he is home alone some of the time. I have already employed the "adorable snitch", his brother, to tell me if anything funny is going on.
I guess we need to talk, again! Just a refresher course since he already knows everything!

What a graceful entrance!

OMG! I am so embarrassed!
I walked out the back door of my office into the factory and fell. Not just any fall, but one of those “twist your ankle and fall off your boots” falls. My ankle twisted, I jerked sideways (heels are about 3 inches), dropped my stack of papers and did a very spastic version of a windmill. I hit the floor sending papers scattering. I jumped up immediately, smoothed my skirt and looked around. I didn’t see anyone and bent over to retrieve my paperwork. I just wanted to get out of there quick. Then I heard a voice coming from somewhere in the rows of stock ahead of me: “What the hell was that?”

I was mortified! Funny thing is, somehow I am relieved to know who witnessed my acrobatics. Not knowing is more embarrassing, thinking that someone out there knows my secret makes my cheeks burn. I may dress like a lady... but you really can’t take me anywhere.

The "Three Hour Tour" is 3 ft under

I sent my son over to check on our dinghy (named "Three Hour Tour"). He called me and said it is gone. "What do you mean gone?" I asked. "Well not really gone, just not above the water anymore" was his squeaky reply.
He is in the water with his wetsuit on, trying desperately to resurect it. If we wait till low tide we can just tip it to one side and then bail the rest with a bucket. Oh well, if he wants to play in the water...Thankfully we removed the motor months ago!
I guess I won't be floating out of here anytime soon!

Maybe I should prepare the boat

Rain, rain, rain. It has been raining off and on for over 2 weeks now. This morning a house fell of a cliff, the 405 freeway started to buckle, a tornado touched down in Oxnard and huge sections of roadway are being washed away by water or mud slides. It is getting worse by the hour.
These crazy Californians aren’t used to being stuck indoors for more than a few days at a time. I think some of them have hit their breaking point, I saw some bizarre things going on today. I saw a lady walking her dog in full rain gear, not her, the dog! Her dog was dressed in a yellow plastic rain slicker with matching hat and boots. I wondered how long it took her to wrestle the dog into that outfit. She, on the other hand was wearing a sweatshirt (soaked) and Ugg boots (not waterproof). I also saw a man jogging! There is standing water everywhere and he was running through water about 5 inches deep. For gods sake, join a gym!
Yesterday a lady decided to ignore the “Road Closed” signs and barricades. She drove around them and ended up stuck in water up to the hood of her car. She and her three children had to climb on top of the car and wait for the Fire Dept’s helicopter to come and rescue them. The mother couldn’t hang onto the rope and her two year old at the same time and ended up dropping the baby. They found him a couple of hours later. They are talking about charging her with Negligent Homicide. I hope they do, what an idiot!
People are so impatient. It is winter and the weather is supposed to be bad. Just relax, stay dry, be safe and have some patience.
Gotta run, my pizza is late and I need to call and complain. Where is that damn delivery boy anyway!?!

You rub me the wrong way!

Victoria’s Secret, what were you thinking?
Then again maybe that is why these panties were on the “sale” table!
I love underwear and bras from Victoria’s Secret. This is my only indulgence (no pedicures, facials or expensive hair cuts for me). They are the best!
These underwear fit nice except for one small problem (well, as the day goes on it is getting bigger). They are rubbing me in a bad way! They have a seam in the crotch that is not covered properly. They are killing me! Who ever designed these should have to walk a mile in underwear made from thin rope. Must have been a man!
Every time I come back to my desk I have to stick my hands down the front of my pants and adjust my underwear. My office mate doesn’t appreciate it very much but I don’t have much choice at this point.
I think I am going to have to take them off and just go without.

What about my butt?

This morning was completely normal: dropped my youngest off at school, jumped on the 101 Southbound, listened to my favorite morning radio show and arrived at work 15 minutes early. As I am starting my computer my phone rings; NOT MY NORMAL RING TONE! It is belting out “Fat bottom Girls” by Queen!

Score: Nick-1, Mom- 0

Any suggestions on a embarrassing ring tone for a teenage boy?

My newest purchase. I am not a wine drinker but I love to colllect bottles with odd labels. Who could really drink Elvis wine? 

CAN'T A GIRL TAKE A PISS IN PEACE?!

I still pee with the bathroom door open!

When my kids were small, shutting the door just didn’t work, they wanted to be with me at all times. I always had company when I used the bathroom. I actually left the door open when we had friends over for dinner once (hugely embarrassing).
I remember a time about 9 yrs ago, when my boys were about 5 and 2 and both had chicken pocks. Devon had them so bad. They were on his eyes, in his mouth, on his little penis and every other available space. The boys had both been very clingy and I needed a break. I went into the bathroom and shut the door. “Just two minutes” I begged. They cried at the door and after about 30 seconds I just gave up and opened the door. I remember thinking to myself “I can’t wait until they get a little bit older and I can use the bathroom in peace”.
Now my boys are almost 14 and 11 (January) and they still follow me into the bathroom. If I shut the door they stand at it and talk anyway. So….why bother. Nick has finally started standing in the door and looking the other way. Gee, why not just wait?!
I tried it again last night. I shut the door and asked them both to give me a minute. 30 seconds, 30 friggin’ seconds and someone was whining at the door!
I guess I need to learn the art of speed peeing.
Or, just go with the flow and enjoy the company!

They are home and I am ready!! 

My Boys, My Boys!

They are home, finally. How can 13 days feel like a year? I finally have a purpose again (really need a hobby).
I picked the boys up at the Burbank Airport, which I love (yeah Burbank, poo LAX) at about 11:00 am. On the ride home they told me a little (very little) about their visit with their father. I didn’t want to push on their first day home but I can tell something happened, something troubling. My oldest son actually called me at midnight on the Wednesday before they returned, to tell me goodnight. He knows very well that I go to bed around 9:00 and I got the feeling he wanted to talk. He didn’t open up and I don’t want him to feel pressured, like he is tattling on his father. He has been instructed before to not tell me what goes on in their house. I have made it very clear that they can tell their father anything that goes on in our house (except the hot tub incident, yikes). We will talk when the time is right, we always do.
We arrived home and the boys opened their presents. We had fun looking at all the stuff they got from their visit up north. We decided to go to one of our favorite places to eat “Pirates Grub and Grog”. They had a Zydeco/ Cajun band playing. What a hoot! The boys and I laughed and clapped and had a great time. We even played the washboard (much to my sons dismay).
After we arrived home we decided to unpack their bags. I emptied out all the clothes and asked if they knew which were clean and which ones were dirty. Nick patted me on the shoulder and said, “Does it really matter, you know you want to wash them all”. We laughed and I agreed.
I am so happy that my laundry makers are back!!

Serves me right!

Serves me right, yeah it does! What have I told my boys…if you make a commitment you can’t back out just because something better comes along. I was trying to teach them a little about commitment. I feel foolish because I know full well that I don’t always live by that rule. I try, especially when they know ahead of time that we have plans. Now that they are gone I am keeping all options open.
For New Years Eve I had three different invites. I didn’t commit to any of them and I was waiting to see which one promised to be the most fun. One was a family type event, sure to be fun with lots of food, booze and games. The second was an invite to the Yacht Club, fun ‘cause of the people, not the environment. The third invite was going out with people from work. That is definitely the newest group of friends and still “fun and new”. This was not really fair to my real friends. They didn’t beg as they usually do. I was not overwhelmed by the phone calls asking me to come over. I have a generic excuse I give them, leaving all options open. They must think I have some kind of stomach disease.
So, I sat and waited and listened to each groups plan. Some of my friends were kind of undecided and I wanted to wait and see what they decided. I figured it was my last night out before the boys come home and I might as well make good use of it. I waited and ended up choosing a group of friends from work. I showered, prepped, foo-fooed up and then I waited for their call. I waited, waited, and waited. At about 10:00 pm I decided they weren’t calling and I felt bad. Immediately I felt guilty. I should have picked my real friends, the ones who always invite me, and the ones who enjoy my company.
At this point I knew I had missed my ride and I probably couldn’t get a cab. I knew that unless I wasn’t going to drink I couldn’t drive. I blew it, I had to face the consequences.
So…I went to bed at 12:02 am. Yahoo, what a fun night, but well deserved I must say.
Next time I will not play the same game. Commitment is not such a bad thing, at least I would have kissed someone other than my pillow at midnight!

Resolution?

I suck at this resolution stuff. Every year I vow to loose weight, stop drinking so much, start eating healthy, blah blah blah. This year I wanted to make my resolution mean something. Sure, I still want to do those other things, but I want to make a life changing resolution. My brain hurts just thinking about it (or maybe it was the 5 drinks I had last night).
So…I’ve decided to not make a resolution at all.
I don’t feel good about this decision
I am taking the easy way out, as usual
It’s easier this way, I don’t have any expectations and I won’t be disappointed
What a chicken shit!
(This is the point where I start arguing with myself)
I need a time-out. GO TO MY ROOM!

Good riddance to 2004!
Hello 2005!

A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION?! LET ME THINK 

Hump day and not a humping in sight!

It's hump day, big f***ing deal. There is no prospect of a good humping in sight! I am seriously thinking about becoming a lesbian!

On to a not so depressing subject. Laundry! For some people this is a chore, not me. I love to do laundry. My husband used to get so mad because he would take his pants off (and leave them on the floor-fair game in my book) and in the morning they would be gone. "I wanted to wear them again" he would complain. "You can, they are just coming out of the dryer" I would proudly proclaim. He acused me of wearing out his clothes (I never wore his clothes). Now throw rugs and towels, yes. Well, I didn't actually put them on, just wore them out. I have to replace all the rugs in our house about every 3 months. I wash them so much they fall apart. I don't know why but I love to make things clean and smell good. I have a laundry room full of different detergents and fabric softeners. I like to have the choice of different scents.
With my children gone I have nothing to wash. I have washed their beds, bathroom rugs, towels, curtains and anything laying on the floor in their closet. I have washed my own sheets twice in the last 5 days. I am the only one sleeping on them, but maybe my new Waterlily and Jasmin fabric softener will lure a partner into my bed.
I really do love laundry, as sick as that is! It has become an addiction. The dirtier and smellier the better, BRING IT ON!!
I even used cloth diapers for both of my boys- just so I could wash them!
Geez, that is sick!

5 Reasons I love Bethann

1. She is always there for me, every morning, no matter how she is feeling
2. She doesn’t mind if I sing really loud to the radio
3. She helps me put the kids to sleep
4. She helps get dinner
5. If I service her, she will please me as well!

Recently people have said I should move on. I know I complain about her a lot. Sometimes she makes me soooo mad. I love her though, she is my first and only.
We met in Hood River Oregon on my first outing as a single mom. I knew the moment I saw her that she was the one for me.
My lovely Grand Am!

Almost hump-day!

Just a few helpful hints for Tuesday:

To avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat, simply use the sink

If someone is keeping you awake all night coughing, feed him or her laxatives. They will avoid coughing at all cost.

To make your way to the front of the grocery line, hold the Pepto close to your chest and make belching sounds. Don’t forget to moan and gag a few times.

Hhmm, my friend sent me these and I like them.
The one about using the sink hits a little too close to home. My son once went in the bathtub because his brother was sick on the toilet.

Not really that funny after all!

Ever did something that at the time seemed funny (usually involves drinking)? I did one of those things!
Gasp!
Shocker, huh?
I am famous for doing those kinds of things. I have tried to behave myself and have never done “these things” around my co-workers, until now. We had our office party on Thursday and the drinking started early, around noon I think. I drank on an empty stomach, which in general is not a good idea and a really bad idea for me. Needless to say, I am the “talk of the shop” today. For those of you that know me well, this is mild in comparison, but for those at work, well-yuck!
After our dinner, we all decided to go to Black Angus for more drinks. Everyone piled into Maria’s SUV leaving Jose and I standing there. So, we jumped in his truck. The crew is always teasing Jose about being gay. He is shy (maybe gay), so I thought it would be funny and good for his reputation if just laid down in his lap and …
They pulled into the restaurant first and got out of the car. Enter- the funny girl-we come pulling in and “up pops my head”. They all started clapping and laughing and I thought we all knew it was a joke. Apparently not!
The talk this morning is that I was doing “you know what, to you know who”. I tried to tell a few people that it was a joke, I couldn’t tell if they believed me or not. I realize now (actually when I woke up Friday morning) that it was not a good idea and not very appropriate! Oh well, no sense holding back now!

Ear Tones

I have been reading and looking at pictures of the devastation that has occurred since the earthquake and Tsunami in Asia. Of course this worries me because I live on the BEACH IN CALIFORNIA!! I also feel very sad for these people who have lost their families.
Since I moved to California 4 years ago, I have been having severe vertigo at least two times a year. It is so bad that I will vomit if I even open my eyes or move my legs. The doctors say it may be a form of migraine and have prescribed a sedative to keep me asleep during these spells. This is very puzzling to me.
I have also started having ear tones. My ex-brother-in-law tracks ear tones and is very accurate at predicting earthquakes by his (about 89% accurate). I have started charting mine but I seem to only have tones when the earthquakes occur far away.
Does anyone else follow this? I had a very strong tone about 24 hrs before this quake in Asia. It was unusual because it was in both ears and deafening.
This is very intersting to me because for a long time I thought that my uncle was right-I was an alien!

Whole lotta lovin' goin' on!

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL, UN-CHRISTMASY DAY!! I want to complain but I just can't find it in me. There was no snow, no scarves and mittens, just flip flops and sunshine. I just can't complain, no matter how un-Christmas like it was. I had a wonderful day. All of my friends were worried that I would be depressed without anyone to spend the day with so, they made sure I had to many people to spend the day with! I started out at the Librarian and P.E. Teacher's house. We exchanged gifts and had a cup of eggnog (loaded, even though it was only 10:00 am). I then walked around the corner to Ms. Red Pants and Mr. Shake-n-Bake's house. We visited for a while and off I went. I met up with Mr. and Ms. TIMBER and Mr. Firehose and Ms. Chef in the greenbelt. We sat in the grass and had a glass of wine a talked for about 30 minutes. Mr. Tommy Bahama pulled up on his Harley to wish everyone a happy day! I finally made my way (across the street) to Mr. Moving Teeth and Ms. Licking Lips house. We drank champagne and orange juice (Hermosas we like to call them-private joke) and Mr. Moving Teeth cooked brunch for us. Mr. Moving Teeth is C.I.O. for Cheesecake Factory and he loves to show off his skills. He thinks just because he works for the company he can cook! We didn't want to remind him he was more of a "computer guy" than a chef. He did a great job and it was the thought that counts. At about 5:00 pm I went to the movies with a friend from work. I came home exhausted. I felt the love of my neighbors and although it can't replace having my kids with me, it was nice.
I spent most of today cleaning up the Christmas mess. I received a very nice bath set from a friend. I don't usually have time for baths but...right now I have all the time I need. I am off to take a nice hot bath, to bad I don't have company to share it with! Maybe another time.

Christmas shoes (beach style) 

Sandra and Larry, our favorite Christmas visitors. 

Ms. Licking Lips and Mr. Moving Teeth on Christmas morning 

Best Present: My parents and grandkids 

The front gate to my complex on Christmas morning! 

Merry Christmas!!!

I am off to the office party then on to a dinner party.
I wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!
I hope you enjoy your family and friends!

It's been a good day

I woke up this morning at my normal time, 4:45 a.m. After I shut my alarm off it dawned on me that I didn’t have kids to “get around”. I reset the alarm for 5:30 and crawled back in bed. I closed my eyes and then all the things I had to do today started running through my head. Lets see, drop off dry-cleaning, Tarr family present to wrap, laundry to fold, check to cash at the bank, present to buy for Jim and Jose at work, gift certificate for Joanie, work my second job starting at 6:00… I knew that it would not do me any good to lay there and I would never get back to sleep. I got out of bed, pulled the sheets off and threw them in the washing machine. I went to the boy’s room and pulled the sheets off their beds too. I grabbed my Christmas cards, my jacket and headed out the door. I delivered all the cards to my neighbors and was back home drinking my first cup of coffee at 5:35 a.m. By the time I left the house at 7:00 I had finished two loads of sheets, emptied the dishwasher, ironed my Christmas outfit and bagged and loaded my dry-cleaning into the car. It felt great!
I have lots of stuff to do tonight, but it will keep my mind off of the fact that the boys are gone. Someone asked me what I used to do before I had kids. My response: Go to High School!

An early Christmas present

I am buying myself an early Christmas present. A bikini wax! This may not sound like the greatest gift, but with Santa visiting, I want to be prepared.
Maybe I'll ask her to make it look like a Christmas tree!

Snuggling in with the fish

I survived the party! I ate to much, which is a given. I behaved myself and didn't drink too much which is NOT a given. It was nice to see my friends after a long, hard day. We laughed and giggled and except for the fact that Mr. Fix-it kept touching me, it was a pleasant evening. I wore crushed velvet pants and he insisted on petting me. I am sure Ms. Fix-it will give him an ear full when they get home.
I am ready to relax but it is too quite in the house. I am going to turn on the T.V., snuggle into bed, and cuddle up with the fish. Well, that is if he promises to lay still and stop making that annoying gasping sound.

FA LA LA LA Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I am already feeling rummy and work is kicking my butt! I got up at 3:00a.m and took the boys to the airport, always puts me in a foul mood.
At work customers are calling and complaining that UPS and DHL have lost their orders. I am running all over trying to track them down. Why, you may ask? (I'm the bookkeeper) Hell if I know, I am just too nice I guess. I have decided to send them a "You're outta friggin luck" fax and tell them I will knit them a scarf or something in consolation.
I have a 5:00 p.m. Christmas party and I am sure I will end up with the lamp shade on my head. It's not a good sign when I know this in advance, I seem to be right everytime. Oh well, gives them a good laugh and something to talk about at the next party. Glad to be of some service to someone!

The Last Supper

Tomorrow is the day! I have to have the boys at the airport at 5:45 a.m.!!! This means we have to get up at about 3:00. I have to take the boys to the airport and then drive like a mad woman to get to work. After working all day, I have a 5:00 p.m. Christmas party. One drink and they will probably prop me on the couch and make wise cracks about “the party animal”.
This is just the beginning of my long 13 days alone. I don’t even have the cats anymore- completely alone!! You would think I would be used to this by now. It really doesn’t get any easier.
I will probably drink myself to sleep and cry until I get drunk.

Full Night

I still feel horrible, but in the mood. I wanted to make cookies and wrap presents and make a gingerbread house and drink eggnog. I didn't have that much energy. It was a good thing because the boys didn't seem to want to spend the time with me today. Only two days until they are gone, and I am counting every minute. I hate it when they leave. Dont get me wrong, I enjoy the break but a couple of days is all I can take! I need a hobby!
The boys had other plans today. They wanted to see their friends before they left for the holidays. Nick wanted to go surfing and Devon wanted his best friend over to play video games. I sat around all day (not really sat around) doing laundry, cleaning bathrooms, washing windows and making cookies. I waited for the boys to be done with their socializing.I am trying to be patient and I know that a social life is very important at this age. I can't believe that it has come to this, they are my everything and I have become their "sometime". They don't need me like they use to and I don't know what to do with myself. I admit, I self medicate with other babies: cats, fish, dogs and I babysit other friends kids and parents(long story).
The boys finally were mine tonight around 5:30p.m. We had our traditional pizza (usually Friday) and started our gingerbread house. It was not the thrill it used to be. I played Nat King Cole, Elvis and Chipmuncks Christmas albums. They were not really impressed. I was plenty excited, I love festivities, real or make believe!! They were just trying to please me.
We had good time making the gingerbread house. The real fun started while my son was chanell surfing (annoying). We found the "Wizard of Oz"playing, my all time fav, rivalling "GREASE". My husband, at the time we met, was doing business in the middle of a tornado. He brought back for me a childrens illustrated book of "The Wizard of OZ" and a tiny pair of emerald colored Barbie shoes. I was in love from that point on!!
My boys will still sit still for "TheWizard of Oz". They have grown to hate "GREASE", which hurts me. We watched the whole show, stupid comercials and all. Devon is still very impressed with the witch and her monkeys. Nick of course, is a bit more critical.
I am still searching far and wide for my hearts desire. It is probably outside my back door. No, I see nothing but sand, palm trees and water.
A tropical drink and adult company would make things complete.
We finished the night off, all in my bed. Perfect!!!! I don't care if they sleep all over the bed... for tonight. I am just happy to have my babies home with me.

The "Hotage" house: gingerbread plus naked teen 

My Christmas Cookies 

What a babe!

I am still sick, sick, sick! I have been sick for a week and I am desperately behind on my Christmas shopping. I decided to drag myself out this morning and get a majority of the shopping done. If you could have seen me you would have been embarrassed for me. I said a silent prayer that I didn't run into anyone I knew (my neighbors). I have been known to make a late night trip to the grocery store in pjs (usually for children's Tylenol), but this takes the cake! I left the house this morning with no makeup, dressed in a heavy sweater and cords (first outfit I grabbed, I usually go through 2 or 3 before something feels right)with flip flops. It is about 80 degrees today and I looked like a frumpy moron. To top it all off I forgot to rinse the conditioner out of my hair and It is limp and greasy looking.
And I wonder why my social calendar isn't full and overflowing!

P.S. Ms. Licking Lips was upset with the fact that I put my "boobs" on the internet. It was not a "look at these" picture, just my "favorite pjs" picture. Sorry M.L.L, I promise that is the end of my porn career.

sick but still pink! 

Wanted: Hungry Men

I just heard about a study that was recently done, a real scientific study: Hungry men prefer heavier women. They polled men going in and out of a restaurant and found that men preferred slightly heavier women before they had eaten and claimed to be attracted to slimmer women after a meal.
Someone actually did a study on this and CBS considered it newsworthy!
Gotta run, I’m on my way to hang out in the long line outside the local Olive Garden! Wish me luck

My newest phobia

I don't know what is wrong with me, maybe stress, maybe old age... I have all of the sudden developed several phobias. One I discovered today. I have always disliked the handicap bathrooms in public restrooms, they are too big (Of course they are a godsend when you are pushing a stroller). We have two stalls in our restroom at work and today one is not working. That leaves the handicap stall. I feel panicked when I use it. It is like going pee in a big room. It feels wrong! Now I have no problem peeing in the sand outside the local bar, but this stall, forget it! I held it most of the morning and finally had to break down and use it. I sat there sucking my thumb, sure that someone would walk in any minute and see me peeing in the middle of the room. Wouldn't be the first time I was caught with my pants down.
The other phobia I seem to have developed has to do with the guys who wash our windows- FREAK ME OUT!
This is very unnerving for a girl who loves everything including snakes and bugs.

Tis the season to be lonely

It really sucks that I have to spend Christmas alone. This is just one of the "joys" of being divorced and living 1000 miles from your ex (most of the time it is well worth it).
Ms. Licking Lips has invited me to come over on Christmas Eve and spend the night with she and Mr. Moving Teeth. They are so wonderful! They are both 50 something and don't have kids. I think I would rather sleep in my own bed, but who knows. They are talking about going whale watching on Christmas morning. This really makes me excited. They are part of a group that "thumbprint" whales using the markings on their tails. They have a large 40 something foot boat (can you believe I work with numbers) that we would take out into the ocean and then we would drop the inflatable into the water and go for it!
We will see what the holiday brings. At least I have an option other than staying home, cleaning the fish tank and drinking eggnog 'til I puke! I can go out on the beautiful Pacific Ocean and drink eggnog 'til I puke! This is definitely one of the sucky parts of being alone!!!

Ms. Red Pants, Me, Ms. Licking Lips and Ms.Give Me Time 

Who put the toilet seat down??!!

Since I am the only female in my house certain things have to give. For instance- the toilet seat. I never complain when it is left up, I am outnumbered. In fact, I am so well trained that I automatically put the seat down before I sit. This works for us, so I go with the flow (literally).
I have a cold/flu that is kicking my butt. I took some medicine last night before bed and it knocked me out. About 12:30 I woke up, high on cold medicine and needing to pee. I stumbled to the bathroom, put down the seat and let it go. Well, some ratfink had put the seat down! This made the pee shoot across the lid and down my legs, and sent me sliding onto the floor. I knocked my knee on the cupboard and piddled all over the floor. Talk about waking up fast! As I was trying to clean up the mess I kept grumbling, “Who put the seat down, Who put the seat down”.
I don’t know what is more embarrassing, the fact that I peed on the floor, or the fact that when I woke up, the towels I had used to clean the mess were hung back up on the towel rack. YUCK!!!!!
That will be the end of Tylenol Cold and Flu for me

Hey, how come I didn't get a manual?

Colic- WOW!
Teething- a little rough!
Potty training- loved it, went very well!
First day of preschool- heartbreaking for me!
Learning to ride a bike- scary, but entertaining!
Learning to fly- not a good idea (thanks Superman)!
Facts of life talk- he already knew it ALL!

I have survived almost 14 years of parenting and am well versed in all of the above. I just can't understand why I can't seem to figure out these teenagers, and all their brainless antics. My son, a bright, good boy, has mush for brains! He has decided that burning incense is cool (it hurts my nose). We have had the "don't play with matches" talk many times. He has made it 14 yrs without incident and all of the sudden- burn marks on his sheets! How could they have gotten there? HHMMMMMM, let me see.
This weekend he decided to scare his brother and friend by loosening the window screen and then leaning on it. Of course that lead to falling out the window. In the process he ripped his new pants and broke the screen. What is possibly going through his mind? Nothing, I am assuming.
This last month has been filled with trying times for he an I. Between girls showing up at the door, to invitations to unsupervised (overnight) parties, I don't know if I will survive. I can't believe a parent would think it was appropriate to rent a room ($150.00 a night room) for a boys 14th birthday party and then go home (they live a block away). Forget teenage mush brains, these are adults!!
I called the hospital and told them they had forgotten to send my instruction manual on operating a teenager. THEY DON'T HAVE ONE!! I can't believe any sane person would sign up for such a course without instructions. Well, I guess live and learn definitely applies here, I'm just not sure I will live through it.

When I get my hands on you!!!!

Whoever keeps breaking into my house when I am gone, dirtying all my laundry, dishes and shrinking my clothes- I am looking for you, and when I find you...

Things are looking better, well, kinda

I woke up Sunday morning and thought to myself- “What am I whining about?” “I live at the beach, the sun is shining and I have my kids with me.” Then I got up and looked in the mirror.
Wholly Crap! For some reason when I am feeling down, it makes me feel better to do something with my hair. Sometimes that means getting it cut but mostly it means changing the color. It is almost always a disaster. I like to have a few drinks and get busy playing beautician.
I started out going several shades lighter. It was pretty but too plain for me. I decided to add a little dimension and put in streaks of a beautiful copper red color. Well, it was beautiful on the swatch of fake hair at the beauty supply store.
Needless to say, it didn't turn out like I planned. I knew I couldn't do anything about it and after several phone calls and no luck finding someone to go back to the beauty store, I just decided I would live with it for the night. It must have been the lighting last night, I can't even blame it on being drunk (I only had a few beers), but I swear it wasn't this color when I went to sleep. This morning the streaks in my hair are orange! I mean really orange, not cooper red!
So here I sit at work, orange hair, pretending that I like it and did it on purpose. I will fix it tonight. By the time this is all over I will have spent more money than if I had paid someone to do it professionally.
At least I am not dwelling on the fact that I have to spend Christmas alone this year!

I am DONE!!!

I feel horrible today. I am sick and depressed! I can't handle all I have on my plate right now and there is no relief in sight. I live 1,000 miles from my nearest relative. I feel like I am sinking. I try so hard to stay upbeat, it is draining me. I have no money, too many bills, two jobs, a car that keeps breaking down, and presents to buy and get in the mail. There is not enough time in the day to get everything done. To top it all off I have had my period for a month! A MONTH! It is a wonder I am not dead.
Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself. I am stressed beyond belief and I am so obsessive that I can't let things go. I can't get all the things out of my head that need to be done. Until I do get them done, I will stress about them.
I am dragging myself to the "Parade of Lights" tonight. It is a parade in the harbor and the boats are the floats. It is beautiful. I am not in the mood but need to do it for the kids. Santa flies over head at the beginning and end of the parade. I don't even think I can get excited about Santa. Wow, I am depressed!
If something doesn't change soon I am afraid I will crack!
Now, I am off to dance for quarters in the club house.

Ami

Some rude person asked me recently if I was “Nucking Futs” or just had nothing important to say.
First of all, don’t read my blog if it makes you crazy!
Secondly, it is a sort of therapy for me, YEAH ME.
I have what I like to call a “very busy mind”. I sit at a desk all day crunching numbers, not a lot of room for creativity or personality (kinda the square peg in the round hole thing). It is very hard for me to concentrate at times because of all the other things that keep popping into my head. I keep Word open at all times and I quickly write things down as they come to mind. That usually allows me to focus again. When something keeps making the rounds in my silly brain, I blog it. It is usually something stupid. I do have important thoughts, ALL FREAKING DAY! This blogging thing just reduces the number of outburst (laughing at funny things I think of) I have in a day and makes me appear more accountant like. I wonder at times if I might develop multiple personalities from working in a field that is so “not me”.
Someone asked me recently why they don’t see much of me socially since my husband left. They asked if I was lonely. Lonely? I have two wonderful kids, tons of laundry, dishes and other things to keep me entertained. They asked what I had been doing for amusement. I amuse myself (not to be confused with playing with myself). When I feel like I need to talk to someone other than myself, I do go out and find a crazy neighbor to play with.
My husband’s song for me was not a mushy love song; it was Meet Virginia, by Train. That pretty much sums me up.

My son may never forgive me

I LOVE MY SANTA PICTURE!!!! This will be one of the last times I can force my kids to take a picture with Santa. They are such good sports. They came along without a fight (a promise of dinner at the mall helped). Nick thought he saw a friend and tried to hide in the big Christmas tree. I tried to explain he was not being a good role model for the little kids who were being scolded for touching the tree. He didn't really care and stayed there until I pulled him out by his shirt. He told me "I will take this picture, but I won't sit on his lap!". That was fair, I didn't want to share Santa anyway!
A co-worker said I was mean for making Nick go, she said I was scarring him for life. WTF, it wasn't like I left him alone for Jolly Ole Mustache Rides with the man. In fact I asked, they don't offer those until after 10:00 p.m

Everyone is cool, Nick still loves me. He even enjoyed himself. I love Christmas, I love my boys, and yes, of course I'll have another drink!

Merry Christmas from California! 

Once you go black...

You'll never go back...to pinto beans. We have been discussing why I am the only one in the office who orders black beans while everyone else orders pintos. Black beans are lovely and tastey. They think I am sick that I feel this way about beans. What can I say, I am a passionate person. Go ahead, try them, you won't be sorry!

Wow, she rules! 

Teresa 

I keep trying to support my favorite local artist...

but she won't except my proposal. This my friends, is one of the coolest ladies around! I am almost a stalker. I follow her all around the county and I never get tired of watching her play. The old "bar rock" is not my favorite (although I always seem to dance to it). I prefer her originals. She is amazing, she can play the guitar like, like, like a guy, only better!
I can't figure out how to post the link, go figure- Her name is Teresa Russell and she rocks!

Happy Hanukkah!

To my Jewish friends- Spin the dreidel and eat a latke for me!
Shalom,
Amos

Excuse me Officer

Last night when I arrived home from work there were cops outside the gates of the community where I live. I could see a light pole was knocked over and a car was being towed away. When I got to my house I found 2 very handsome, very large, police officers going through my house. All the lights were off and they were using flashlights, very creepy. They met me outside the front door and started to question me- "what is your name, do you know K** M*******?". They told me that apparently (I don't think they believed me when I said I didn't know the name) she was using my address for some kind of prescription fraud she was running. She was using my address and different alais's to get drugs from the local pharmacies. She was denied at the pharmacy right around the corner because she was clearly under the influence and the pharmacist didn't feel right about filling the script. The lady apparently left very angry and got behind the wheel of a car in which she had left her sleeping child. I assured them I didn't even have prescription drugs in my house and I don't associate with people who abuse them. One of the officers said to me "Well, this is 1963 San Tropez, isn't it?". "No" I responded, "This is 1963 Majorca".
Just a simple mix-up, they should have been on the other side of the complex. Not really a big deal, I don't have anything to hide. My question- Was it legal for them to just enter and go through my house? Why the hell didn't they do the dishes?

Nothing says Christmas like an Electronic Connector

The Christmas Spirit is spreading around here! Today I pulled a few strings to fix a mistake the sales department had made. My boss does not like to admit he makes mistakes so we have to sugar coat the way we present our solution to him. We have to make sure he feels like he is doing them a favor by fixing a mistake he made. This can be frustrating if he is not in the giving mood. Today things went well and he said "It is Christmas, Give them the damn connector, no charge!" The customer was pleased, even offered me a job if I ever moved to Colorado. Well, I guess nothing says Merry Christmas like an electronic connector.

Help! Wallpaper is not our friend

HELP, HELP, HELP!
I have been scoring, spraying and scraping for hours. Someone help! Any handy tips for removing wallpaper? Anyone, please.
Even though it is only 12:30 I am going to have a beer. I need to think about what would make me think this was a fun Sunday task!

On his death bed, again

My oldest son called me from school yesterday and I knew immediately he was sick (not the "I don't want to run the mile in PE sick"). He sounded horrible. He was half wispering, half crying. "I think I have lukemia" he cries. "My head hurts, my neck hurts, my spine hurts, my legs hurt, everything hurts really bad!" I try my motherly, words of comfort and assure him he is not dying. No such luck, he doesn't believe me. So...I call the doctor. She says there is a flu going around that is accompnied by severe body aches but, she would be happy to see him if it would help ease his mind. On my way to pick him up I think about the situation. I smile, he is really becoming a man! This is his second deadly disease this year.

I have a crush on Dr. Phil

Isn't that wrong?! I don't watch his show, but I did see him in person in L.A. I find him very attractive...eeeeeewwwwwww.

What do dreams mean?

Last night I had a dream that I came home from work and found Richard Branson sitting at the bar in my kitchen. I have seen commercials for his new show "Rebel Billionaire" but have no desire to watch it.
In my dream the house is not really my house, but an older, run down house with peeling wallpaper and loose heater vents. There are cats crawling through the heater vents and I can count at least 10 running around. Richard is very disappointed in the shape of the house and tells me he doesn't allow pets in his rentals. I am shocked because I am seeing the house for the first time also. I try desperately to convince him that it didn't look like this when I left. He walks around the house and takes notes of everything I have done wrong. He is blaming me for all the cats and the poor condition of the house. I run for my move-in inspection report and try to explain that the cats get in without my help. When I find the inspection report there is nothing on it except for a chip in the kitchen sink. I am embarrassed and mad.
Thankfully I woke up! What could this mean? Maybe I am feeling guilty for going to bed without cleaning up the kitchen. Maybe it's the laundry I didn't fold. Maybe it's everything I have been putting off. Or, maybe I just wish I was a Virgin again!

Dreams, Plans, SMILE

My son spent about an hour on the phone last night and it made me smile. I could overhear his side of the conversation and I filled in the rest. Brings back fond memories.
He has an invention he would like to build. He informed me last night that if I would help him, he thinks he can make enough money to pay for college. Isn't that great? I mean the fact that he would like to go to college! When you are young anything is possible, well when you get older too, except maybe those cartwheels I loved so much.
He is talking to his friend about the invention and discussing other ideas they have come up with. At 14, I am overjoyed that the conversation is about anything other than girls. They were talking about making money for college, and most importantly the house they were going to share. They would have a room just for their motorcycles and one with a big screen T.V.. They are going to paint the room red and black and put huge couches in for watching movies. They are going to invite all their friends for parties, but they can't smoke in the house. I wanted to ask who smokes but remembered I'm not supposed to be listening. They will also have many exotic pets, like snakes and lizards, maybe a tiger. Then I hear him say "Dude, why would we do that? We don't know how to do laundry and we should wait until we can at least drive". I think we should live at home till we are at least 18 or 19" (His friend doesn't have the best home life and wants to get out fast).
In between talk of their grown-up life, was talk about kids at school and how they had changed since they started smoking pot and how some of the girls were starting to be mean. I realized that, despite his blank stare, some of what we talk about actually sinks in! I felt good, he is a good boy.
What plans and dreams we have when we are young, warms me inside, makes my day bright. I remember not to long ago, Becky Lane and I making similar plans to live together in a house full of animals.

Long trip home 

Funny face McCabe 

Working hard, last week! 

"It doesn't get any better than this"? I"M SCREWED

So it doesn't get any better than this?! I might as well end it all now. Here I sit, alone, well not really alone, two kids, two cats, 10 fish and a pile of dishes. I feel alone.
My co-worker drove me crazy today! It could be PMS but I'm not taking the easy way out, I just need to put her out of my misery. I have had my period for, oh, almost 3 weeks now. I may snap at anytime! It is the end of the month and I had so much to do. She talked non-stop all day and is worse than a 2 year old(no offense to the little ones). "Look Amy, look at what I am ordering". "Oh Jose, you are so funny, isn't he funny Amy?" "HaHaHa, this customer is so funny, look what he sent me Amy". I wanted to scream "Don't you have some vacation time to use? Get lost!" In spite of co-demon, I did get my work done.
My car is running horrible. It is jerking and running really rough. I don't think the new battery helped! I was going to leave it running, and pray someone would take it, but the piece of crap would probably overheat and die. I need a new car but since my husbands heart attack and too many bills, my credit is bbaaaddd. I had spotless credit 4 yrs ago and now, I can't even apply for food stamps (I think I stole that line).
On top of everything else it is Christmas and I have to buy plane tickets for my boys to fly to their fathers house. I don't know what happened, it was his year to pay for Christmas but somehow he always seems to turn it around.
I am sick, in the head I think. I have diagnosed myself as having "Obsessive, Impulsive, Bad Decisionitis with a secondary case of bleeding to muchoso" If I were a horse, they would have shot me by now.
O.K, I feel much better now. Slap, Slap, Slap,I have plenty to be thankful for. I do love my family, my job, my neighbors. I have a place to live and food to eat. I really hate it when people whine, I should slap myself again!
I'm going to bed early so I can rise with a shine and face the world with a smile. Something like that.

Hold on to your panties!!!!!!!

The car is not big, but I love to holler this phrase at the top of my lungs, usually as a fly around a corner way to fast. The boys just moan and respond with their usually protests, "We don't wear panties"! I will probably continue doing this until I have grandkids, it tickles me pink.

I was a hostage, forced to watch bad T.V

Thanksgiving turned out o.k. I was pretty upset about the car but, what can you do? We couldn't go anywhere so we were forced to relax. My husband is visiting from Canada (long story) so we just enjoyed our day. We took a long walk on the beach and made a very yummy, not quite traditional, dinner. I watched a sappy movie on Lifetime and loved it! Man, that lady had a rotten life, much worse than mine. Kinda sad that someone elses misfortune makes me feel better. I know, I know, they are not real people, they are not real! Still, I had lots of things to be thankful for after watching it. At least I have all my limbs and my husband is not poisoning my fiber drink.
My kids came home on Saturday and I am thankful for that! I am thankful that I have my car back and I won't be held hostage and forced to watch overly dramatic crap (unless I want to).

SHIT, CRAP, DAMN!!!

It's 10:15 p.m., do you know where your car is? I do- at the 76 station in Camarillo. The piece of f***ing crap wouldn't start after we got gas. It was running fine, we stopped to fuel up and... Happy Thanksgiving! If being away from my kids during the holiday isn't bad enough, now I have no car!
Why, Why, Why! Why didn't it break down on a Monday, when I would rather be home baking. I have 4 days off and no transportation!!!
It must be karma. I shouldn't have flirted with my friends guy in 1987. Oh Bertha Flat Butt, I am sorry.
Well, I am bummed. It won't do any good to dwell on it. I need to come up with money to fix it. Time to turn to the "worlds oldest profession"... begging your parents.
Seriously, I can afford to have it fixed, just can't fix the car and pay the rent!
I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!
If you see a crazy lady riding her bike with a 12 pack and a turkey in the basket on her bike, don't honk, I will crash!

Gobble, Gobble, Gobble, you turkeys!

My boys are gone to visit their father for the holiday. This is depressing! I am going to head North to the Chumash Casino to see if I can get lucky (slots). Wish me luck!
Have a great Turkey Time!

What makes an itch feminine?

Is it the way you scratch it, elegantly, with your pinky out?

What's the stink about poop?

OK, so it's not a very lady-like topic, and not really acceptable conversation for dinner at the Pacific Corinthian Yacht Club, I just can't control myself. Things start to feel stuffy (even though we are outside by the water), and I begin blurting out some fine poop trivia. I have a full notebook of personal poop stories to recount. Ms. Red Pants laughs her head off and hugs me. Mr. Bulge in my Tight Shorts just sits there looking from person to person. The people who know me well think it is amusing, although horrifyingly inappropriate. My very favorite, Ms. Licking Lips joins in, adding her own tale of "Virgin Mary Crap". Her husband, Mr. Moving Teeth excuses himself to get another drink, I hope he comes back. One more round of drinks and they start requesting their favorite "party poop" story. Then comes the "Post Office skit" (I have to physically act it out).
Soon people are staring. I guess at "the club" you should exercise some self-control. We call it a night. Ms. Licking Lips and I walk home together and sing songs about body hair. Mr. Moving Teeth has left without us. This is not uncommon, he is not fond of "poop talk". I assure Ms. Licking Lips that he is at home waiting to give her a "Hot Carl". We laugh like crazy, neither of us really knows what that is but we think it involves poop.
I am not sure what makes poop such a taboo subject, I'd like to make it acceptable. Since the "Hampsters are Human Too" group is no longer accepting voluteers, this is my new cause. "Live, laugh, excrete".

Is it illegal to commit murder... in your mind?

I would like to kill her! I have visions of wrapping my hands around her throat and squeezing!
Have you ever had a day where someone irritates the piss out of you? It turns everything negative! My pink aura must be pitch black!
It usually takes a lot to make me mad. I find it a total waste of energy to be soo negative but... AAAARRRRGGGG!!!! She goes on and on and on about everyone elses short comings, and counts the minutes (seconds too) they go over their break time. She gets into their business and then complains about how they handle it. WHO ASKED HER!!!! She talks like her point of view, political or business, is the gospel. She won't except or even consider any other point of view.
She is wearing me out. She is going to force me to do something I may regret...maybe not!
I am going to look online to see if I can at least beat her up and still keep my job. That makes it pre-meditated right? Maybe PMS?!

Always happy

When the boys were little and our money was even smaller, we used to take tours of the manufactured home sales lots. We would pretend we were interested in buying a new home and tour all of the display models. I am sure the sales people could tell we were just looking for cheap entertainment. They would leave us to wander the models and go off to chase the "real sales". When we entered the front door of the model we could tell right away if we were going to "live there" or not. We would pick out our bedrooms, arrange our imaginary furniture, lay in the bathtubs and decide what color towels we would put in the bathrooms. It really was fun.
Now that they are older we do a more mature version of the same. We ride our bikes by the million dollar beach houses in Mandalay Bay and pick out which ones we would buy, if we could. We have even started saving our change in a piggy bank, our "house fund". We love to chat about the different houses as we ride by (I'm sure some of the homeowners get a kick out of this).
While riding bikes and picking out favorite houses this week, Devon was asked which one he wanted. His sweet reply: "I'm happy with what I have, we should be happy with what we have because some day we may not have anything!"

Ohhh.....I wish I were an

Oscar Mayer weiner, that is what I'd really like to be,
Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer weiner,
Everyone would be in love with me!
Ever have one of those days? I am. I can't concentrate, focus or seem to control my diarrhea mouth. I blurted out the Oscar Mayer weiner song to my co-worker this morning. She asked me if I was on drugs. Maybe I should be!

My bologna has a first name...

Virginia Is For Lovers?

OMG! Our receptionist at work is so, so blonde! I have a bell on my desk that says "Virginia is for Lovers". It was given to me by an older gentleman that works in the factory (he vacationed in Virginia). She looked at it for about 3o seconds, rang it lightly and then looked at me with her blank stare and said "Who is Virginia?".

Today, I wear a crown

I am Queen for a day, maybe more.
As I walk the factory people point and smile. I can hear them talking in their offices as I pass. I even receive a few cat calls. They are calling me Queenie instead of Pinky. I have saved them all from the wrath of "the boss".
I will hold my head high, crown slightly off center. I AM THE QUEEN! So what if the title reads "Queen Kiss Ass". At least I have a title!

(Do they realize I hold the key to their next paycheck?!)

Ladies,You can grow balls!

O.K., I am the last one to grow them, but I am a late bloomer.
I have lived most of my life doing what I thought other people wanted me to do. Over the last 4 years I have opened up, started thinking more for myself. Up until a few years ago, I considered what I was taught as a child to be the truth. I didn't question it.
It is time for us, you know who you are, to raise our heads high, grab our balls (even if they're borrowed),and take a stand. We have to ask questions, make them think about their answers and wonder if they made the right choice.

You know you move me, poop girl! Long float elvis with corn for eyes!

What a GLORIOUS day!

It's days like this that make you think "What if I have to go poop and we are in a boat in the middle of the Harbor"? Oh Gosh, seriously, days like this make me think that someone above is smilling down at me. God must love California.
We walked along the beach and took my mom to breakfast at Mrs. Olsens, the cutest little beach house turned into a great coffee shop. It is filled with locals and the walls are covered with "beach crossing" signs and some pictures of locals surfing (or waiting to surf). When you leave, if you are happy with your service, you ring a big cowbell. The boys love this part, even if we had a crabby waitress (never happens), they would ring the bell.
Next we headed back home to change into shorts and... off to the beach. We drove the convertible my mom rented down to the beach for more silly pictures. We took pictures of the boys poll vaulting using bamboo, boys buried in sand, and me being knocked over by a wave (picture will not be posted:). My mom loves silly pictures as well. She posed by "her car" and did the "go granny go" dance. The boys thought this was funny and even Nick forgot that he should be embarrassed.
After gassing up the car (highway robbery), we took off for the Harbor. We rented a boat and cruised up and down the channels. There is nothing better than this, at this point God is really happy with us (must be my moms doing). The weather was perfect, the water was flat and the company was excellent (we missed you Jim).
After a day on the ocean we decided to finish off with a light dinner on the water. We headed to the Whale's Tale for some yummy chowder and a gorgeous view. We shared some appetizers, a beer and some soda. We watched the fish jump and the birds dive. The sailboats were making their way back to their slips and they were beautiful.
What a glorious day! It couldn't have been any better. Now, if we can just get to bed without seeing the news, I will stick with my statement that God loves California.

Driving Miss. Crazy 

Mom in the harbor 

Did I mention my Mom is visiting?

We are all having fun, taking crazy pictures at the beach, riding in the convertible with the top down, laughing about old times and new. It is wonderful to have my mom here. She is a nut! She falls down (and not gracefully), spits her food when she laughs and generally takes after her oldest daughter.

At the park next to my house 

An hour and a half with ADD me

For my birthday the crew at work gave me a facial. This is not just any facial, but a facial with the infamous "Rita". They have been telling me about her for at least 6 months.
Now, although I am a "girlie girl" I don't really go for "foo foo". I don't have time for lying around being rubbed with lotions. I would much rather spend my free time at the beach with the kids or curled up with a good book and a cold beer.
Rita is a delight. She informs me that I am in for "a treat". It is an hour and a half long treat!! What the heck!! I can't lay still for an hour and a half, unless I am asleep.
She began by rubbing my hands with a thick lotion and wrapping them in Saran wrap. She then placed them in warmers. I LIKED THIS!! The rest of my adventure went something like this:

Wow, this feels good, smells good too. Rita has soft hands and a light touch. I hope she is careful around my, ohhhh she is. I don't want more crows feet. I wonder if facials make more wrinkles, all this rubbing. Rita has wrinkles, I wonder how old she is. If she takes such good care of her skin...wrinkles, maybe I should tell her to stop. That is cool, must be cucumbers on my eyes. Are they fresh? Hey, where is she going, she is leaving me in here. Nice music, sounds like nature. The back of my head hurts, probably from laying in one position for too long. This gum tastes like stinky shoes, like poop. Jim has his rectal exam tomorrow, I bet the doctor has poop breath, hahaha. Oops, I shouldn't laugh, Rita is going to think I am crazy. How long do I have to lay here. I want to peek, what if I move the cucumbers and she is standing there? I will feel dumb. Okay, I am done. Relax, relax, the girls at work say they go to sleep sometimes. How can you sleep with all these crickets chirping. I hope my mom and the boys found Target. I should get up and get my phone, what if they got lost. Oh, Rita is back. That is warm, nice, soft. Okay, I think I can hang in here for a while. Wow, how many fingers does she have. Feels like 20 fingers fluttering across my face. What if she uses a prosthetic hand? That is creepy. She is extracting now, a fancy name for poping pimples. Thankfully I don't have many. She would have loved me a couple of weeks ago. Boy I am never going back to that salon again. The girl sure was nice though. I just realized I have to take my family to IN-N-OUT for dinner and Rita just washed off all my makeup. Oh well, I don't know anyone here. What if my hair is sticking up? We should have eaten before the facial. I need to make time to go up to the college and register for classes. I sure hate homework. I should jog tomorrow morning. I wonder if it will make my face saggy? I hope it doesn't make my boobs sag anymore. I should save up for plastic sugery. Well, I should get a new car first....40 minutes later...

I AM DONE!! Rita has wonderful hands. I just can't stand laying around for 90 minutes. There is plenty of time for that when I am dead!

My guys

Sleeping sweetly
Laughing loudly
Fighting fiercely

Needy
Independent
Curious
Knowledgeable

Delightful
Effortless
Victorious
Optimistic
Nascent

Joy, pain, love, frustration, amusing, fulfilling-
WORTH EVERY MINUTE

Sums it up 

We had veggies, promise! 

Political, Edible 

Making it fun

When my boys were little, I used to have "special parties". In the middle of the winter, we would spread out blankets in the living room, blow up the beach balls, put on some Beach Boys tunes, get our bathing suits on and have a "Beach Party". We would eat picnic dinners on the floor and dance around. It was soooo much fun.

Now that they are growing up they are not so excited to participate in my "special parties". Well, I can't really blame them. Some of our "parties" involve cleaning their room (I do supply the pizza and pop).

Today I discovered at work that it was "Day of the Dead" in Mexico. On Election Day!! Kinda ironic since our future depends on this election.

I decided it would not be a very exciting night for us, watching the returns all night. Why not make it a party? I decided we would have Mexican food with a political theme. We had George Bush Burritos and John Kerry Quesadillas. It was fun. Nick thinks I am a little dorky but doesnt really care as long as it involves food. Devon on the other hand, he found it amusing.

I can see my future, birthday parties for the cats, "special parties" where I am the only guest that shows, my family hiding outside the front door, making sure I am not wearing a party hat while making dinner.

Am I the only one who sees it?

I don't understand how people can not see it! It is clearly Brendan Fraser's face I see in the tile on the bathroom floor. As I sit on the toilet (mostly wasting the last 5 minutes of my day)and relax my eyes, I can see him very clearly. He has the shaggy hairstyle he wore in Encino Man. I mention this to the receptionist who stares at me blankly. Yeah, like she hasn't noticed before! I ask several co-workers to follow me into the restroom. All 3 of us cram into the stall. I instruct them to let their eyes relax and "stare at this square"
They LAUGH!!
They think I am a nut.
They leave me standing there staring at the tile. I realize I am a little nutty, it really looks more like Shaggy from Scooby-Do.